My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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