Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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