i barfeds in our rink
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
