I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
