im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
