There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I currently don't understand fingers.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
