from now on my penis is your penis
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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