My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
