party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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