tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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