dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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