I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
