Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
