Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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