It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
