end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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