New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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