theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
