Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
