ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
