I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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