Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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