Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
