I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
