when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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