only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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