Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
