Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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