I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
