I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
