I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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