Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
