Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
