I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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