just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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