There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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