it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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