So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
