we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
