Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
