So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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