I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
