what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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