I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All the doctor said was why
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
