Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this just has baby written all over it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
