I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My life is pants optional.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
