I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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