woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
