69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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