what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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