i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
