the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
