I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
