Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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