I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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