thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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