Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize