Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
