I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
