i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
