I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
